IT IS OFFICIAL, I AM ZAHRI'S MOM!

Today was Day #15 of our Appeal Period, so tonight at 6:00 our appeal period ended, and I am now officially Zahri's mother! Yahooooo! I can't even believe it. I think that I am in shock.

It doesn't feel real at all. It feels as if I have just been visiting this beautiful little girl each day and that is that. It doesn't truly feel that I am even 1/2 way around the world. It is all way too surreal. When does it sink in? I mean even the being so far from home, it really doesn't feel real still, and I have been here for a month and a half. You just expect it to be SO different, and it is quite different, but people are still people, they look fairly similar, and they live in houses like we do, and they have families like we do, and the eat similar foods, and they have similar styles in clothing and they laugh at the same things. I am not sure what I expected. It just affirms that this is a really small world and that we are all such similar people, only seperated by water, land and language.

As for Zahri, the most important part in this entire life journey, she is my daughter! I can say it! She is my daughter! Weird hu! I have a daughter! And Z has a Mommy! We now have each other! :) That little girl 1/2 way around the world that I dreamt of for so long, that I wrote of at the beginning of my blog, I have found her and she is even more perfect than I first dreamed. I mean, you let faith take its' course and you fully rely on your agency and the gifts of God. You do your best to step back and just do as you are asked. You give up much control in this journey, which is so darn difficult at so many times throughout the process, but you learn that you must. And here I am, only 11 months after submitting my application to my agency, in Aqtobe, Kazakhstan with the most beautiful daughter. It just isn't real. I can't even imagine what it must feel like on this very day for those adoptive families that have been through years of fertility treatments prior to choosing adoption. To have what you have always dreamed of is surreal really. I can only imagine that giving birth to your child would be the same, surreal. I can't imagine that it really feels real for a couple months. What a monumental change in life! For both me and for Z.

To just take in what she will be feeling in the next couple months both hurts my heart and gives me a million goosebumps of happiness. Her little world is about to change so much! I know that Monday will be emotional for me, to take her from the orphanage, this will be a day of so many mixed emotions. This is all that she knows. This has been her entire life, her home, for nearly all 10 months of it. And then on the following Monday, the 11th, to take her from Aqtobe will be filled with a billion more mixed emotions. Today I looked at her, and I talked with her about how her little world will be changing, completely, in just 2 days. And she just continued to play. :)

The only sadness in this whole journey is losing the luxury of sleep. :) hahaha Okay, so it is a fair trade. Maybe tomorrow I will have a funeral for sleep. I have a feeling that from here on out, at least for the next 20-25 years (as I hope to add another child or two to our family), I will not have the luxury of sleeping in until 9:00.....or 10:00.....or noon. Oh my heavens, what have I done? hahaha just kidding of course.

My daughter is Zahria Alia! Or Zahri! Or Z! Or Z Bean! Or Zukie! I like to sing to her, "Zukhra, Zahria, Alia." Her birth name is Zukhra (pronounced a bit like Zukara), so I sing her names to her, so she can relate what she has known as her name with her given name. :) She now knows her birth name, given name and Z. :)