Now that I know my region, I have been asked many times if I have a referral of my little girl, did I get pictures of her & how old is she? Honestly, all that I know is that she is in Aqtobe & she will be 6-15 months old when I meet her. I will be what you call, 'traveling to select,' also known as 'traveling blind' thus I do not get a referral before I travel. This is a really hard one to explain to my friends, family and those random people that I encounter running adoption related errands. You see, Kazakhstan does not recognize referrals, so even if your agency will give a referral, that child could be adopted to another family prior to you arriving in Kaz. Needless to say that was a fear of mine, and to be quite honest, traveling to select is also a fear of mine. I am riding on faith here. When I do travel, I am told that I will get to meet 2 or 3 little girls that hopefully match what I am looking for, but I do not meet them all at one time, I will meet with them one on one. It is not that I walk into the orphanage of 100 children and start selecting from all 100 which is what I believe many people wonder about. Many of the children at the orphanage (baby house) are not available for adoption, so the director will introduce me to a couple available babies that are little girls from 6-15 months. I will play with them, review medical records, learn about their personalities and their story, etc. I am told that it is common to 'just know' once you meet your child, and I am desperately hoping that is the case for me.
I must be honest and say that I have true fears about traveling without knowing who my child is in advance, in fact, I have now had 2 dreams in the past week about this. Last night, I dreamt that there were many families all together on a school bus, we were all being taken to the same baby house to adopt, and we were all traveling to select. I remember being so afraid that I would have to compete for the perfect child, whatever perfect is I am not sure, but that was my fear in the bus. The bus ended up passing the baby house and continued on a couple blocks from the entrance, so once the bus stopped, we all poured out and started running as fast as we could. It was so stressful, we all had the same fear. We each wanted to be the first one into the baby house so we could adopt the best child.
Luckily this will not be the case, and luckily there are many ideals on what the 'best child' for each family is; I will not travel with other families & I will not be 'competing' for any child. I will be shown one child at a time and I will make the best decision based on my life currently as a single mom, the baby's overall health and our chemistry as a little family unit.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Izaak, Elijah & Ty 'Bear'
Cousins (Izaak wants to name my daughter (his cousin) Isabella, Sant (for 'Santa') or Hershey (his friend's dog's name.) Hmmmm I told him that if we name her 'Hershey,' that would mean that we get to give her a lot of kisses.
Kolter Matthius Simon
Littlest Cousin......possibly. Kolter may indeed be the same age as his little girl cousin in Kaz. :)
6 comments:
I actually had a similar dream, weird! It wasn't that vivid but I remember a competition for the babies was involved. Must be a common fear?
On a lighter note, I got your comment on our lunch - wish everyone wasn't so spread out or we could have a giant gathering! And no, the boots were not waterproof, just cute. But check out Susan Serra's blog - she posted a photo of another pair of boots we saw that are cute but more practical.
Enjoy your week!
Shannon
I traveled to select and was one of those who knew she was the one. I didn't even ask to see another baby. Funny thing tho, she was nothing like I expected. In fact, if I saw a photo of her, I don't know if I would have been so enamored with her. She was bigger, very light skinned and barely had any hair, but when I first held her she put one arm up to my neck and her face into the other side of my neck. I swear she was hugging me!! I fell in love with her personality that first day. I think it is great to be able to see and learn about the babies while there. Don't be pressured to choose right away if you don't feel this way. Yes, you are going on faith, and it is truely an amazing process. I'd love to live it all again!! It was that magical to me!
Love your blog and please say "hi" to Marina for me!!
Laurie
I had weird dreams too! Mine involved the KGB coming to my home and taking the baby back!! Talk about not sleeping for awhile. The day before I left the US I did not sleep at all because I was so nervous. In the end it all worked out for the best and I have my beautiful daughter. I would not have change a thing, even the weird dreams. I can't wait to go back for a sibling for Kylie.
Take a deep breath and try to get some sleep!!
That is so courageous of you to share that dream. My heart was so full reading about your fears and worries. I, too, am baffled and terrified and excited all at once about this whole process. I appreciate your honesty so much.
Referral or blind - the whole thing is just unlike any experience in the world. I have come to the conclusion that it truly does take faith do move forward with each step. And, everything is so unknown...except there is something you do know. You have a strong sense of who you are, and no matter what circumstances you face, no matter where you go and what unknowns you face, you do know what matters to you and where your heart lives. Does this make sense? Strangely, this is what is giving me comfort....that I know who I am and trust that whatever comes my way, no matter how scary and challenging, I'll follow my heart - and have faith - and I'll end up exactly where I need to be. Anyways, I don't know if this is making sense, but it is the way I am thinking about it.
You are so bold, so clear about why you are doing this and who you are - it is truly admirable and awe-inspiring. You'll be a wonderful mom.
The statement you make on your blog about who you are and why you are doing this - says it all. Amazing.
Christy, Thanks for such a great post. I have to believe we all have moments of anxiety about this very topic -- I'm sure we all have the same stories about people looking at us "horrified" when we try to explain the "traveling blind" process. Thank goodness none of us are alone -- we have our faith, our families, and most importantly, each other. We're out here supporting you!
Karen.
It is a completely nervewracking process. You are so very brave to be doing this - to be chasing your dream of having a child. I was really inspired by one of your earlier posts in which you wrote about wanting something more - I think you had dinner with a friend who was annoyed by all the adoption talk. Anyway, it reminded me what was important to me. You couldn't have been more right and you will see that very soon! Hang in there.
Post a Comment